Baby #2's Birth Story - Our sweet angel in Heaven

Baby #2’s Birth Story

Warning: This is a BIRTH STORY… so there might be TMI. Feel free not to read. It has a lot of information because I didn’t want to forget (so it's pretty darn long). Also, this isn’t the happiest ending like most birth stories, so proceed with caution!

Born: March 24, 2012

Time: 1:30 AM

Weight: Unknown

Age: 18.5 Weeks

With us for approximately 30 minutes

I’ve been wanting to write Baby #2’s birth story for months, but have never had the heart or the willpower. Today I was already super emotional after finding out that I am once again not pregnant. Words cannot express how disappointed I am. Although we were trying for both Baby #2 and Baby #1, I have never wanted to be pregnant and have a baby more. Maybe it’s because I got halfway through a pregnancy and didn’t have the opportunity to bring my sweet baby home with me. Whatever the reason, I am finally writing her story tonight.

The week before I had Baby #2, Mr. Toberman was in another town for a training meeting for work. Instead of being home alone for the whole week I opted to go to my sister’s house about 30 minutes away. It gave us both some company and was a good trip. She came and picked me up, along with a dresser I’d been wanting to paint since Mr. Toberman and I got married. We spent the week shopping, taking care of children, and painting! It was fun, and on Thursday, March 22 we came back into town. We went to a thrift store (I think we went somewhere else, but I can’t remember now where that was). She then dropped me off at my house around 5:30. I was exhausted. Baby #1 was pretty darn crabby because she didn’t get a nap that day, and she was used to being around other kids at that point. So I decided we should go for a walk. I was so impressed by her. She was having fun in the stroller and yelled “Hi” or “Hello” to some guys playing basketball (it was a new thing at the time). I remember texting Mr. Toberman and he couldn’t believe it. We got back home after a short 5-10 minute walk. I fed her and laid her down around or a little before 7.

I then looked at the mess that was all over our living room. She hadn’t had any time to play that day but we’d left the mess before leaving for my sister’s house earlier in the week. At that point I was SO exhausted and I hurt ALL over. I just felt AWFUL. Finally, I decided to go to the bathroom and then to get going on cleaning up all of her toys since Mr. T would be coming home soon, and I don’t like him having to come home to a huge mess. I had been talking to a different sister before that and we were planning on Skyping afterward while I cleaned so I could get some motivation and encouragement. I went into the bathroom and while I was going I felt something else push out. I had a feeling that I had either miscarried or had passed my mucus plug and my water had broken since a huge gush came out with whatever it was (you have to remember my water never broke with Baby #1 so this was all new territory). It was around 8:00 PM and I was 18.5 weeks. I burst into tears. I sat in the bathroom afraid to stand up and check what had gone on. After I calmed down a little, I called the sister I was going to Skype, but got no answer. I then called the sister I'd stayed with. She didn’t think my water had broken and we got off the phone shortly, but I was still super concerned. I finally stood and decided my water had indeed broken. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I needed to go in but I’d never had my water broken before so I was unsure if that was really what had happened. I’m a “better be safe than sorry” kind of girl, but I decided just to take it easy for a little bit and see if I proceeded to leak amniotic fluid. I did. I had to change my underwear. I then put on a thicker pad and by that point that sister had called me back. She said she felt she’d dismissed me too fast and that I should go in. I told her I was feeling the same thing. We hung up and by this point I had texted my mom and sisters telling them I was going to go in. I called/texted one of my other friends, and only said, “Can you please come over”. Since I don’t ever just say that, she said she’d be over within 5 minutes. She came right over and I apologized for the toy mess (I know a silly thing to worry about, right?) I briefly told her what was going on and asked her to please listen for Baby #1.

I then drove to the hospital and was on a three-way call with my mom and one of my sister's on the way. Mr. T was on his way home from his training meeting (about 5 hours away) and planned to just meet me there. I went in and had to check in with the receptionist. I told her my water had broken and burst into tears (impossible to hold back at that point since I’d been crying since the meltdown I had in the bathroom). I told her that I knew this was normally a happy thing but that I was only 18.5 weeks. She kept saying she was sorry and had me fill out all sorts of paperwork. Finally she buzzed me in and a nurse led me to an exam room. She didn’t really think my water had broken but checked me anyway. It had. She left to call the doctor and figure out what he wanted to do. A different nurse came back in to talk and ask questions. She tried to find Baby #2’s heartbeat but couldn’t. She then called the doctor, and told me that the doctor wanted to come in to perform an ultrasound himself. Mr. T finally showed up while we waited for the doctor to arrive. When the doctor arrived he did an ultrasound (it’d taken him awhile because he was out playing with his kids… he was even in street clothes). He found that there was VERY little amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. He said that there was probably a small leak (he was hoping anyway) caused by an infection or some other cause, and that the amniotic fluid had slowly accumulated causing the mucus plug to come out because of the buildup. He didn’t want to do an external examination because that usually causes more harm. He prescribed some STRONG antibiotics and sent me home with STRICT bed rest instructions.

We came home and went to bed shortly after my friend left. I slept just fine. Mr. T wouldn’t let me leave our bedroom or bed except to go to the bathroom so he took care of Baby #1 all morning until around 12. A little after that one of our friends, came over to help Mr. T give me a blessing. It stated that Baby #2 would be carried to term and that I would be healthy. Those are the only things I really remember. All day I felt that it didn’t necessarily mean I would make it to 40 weeks. I felt uneasy and SUPER emotional all day. Our friend stayed at our house all day to help and keep us company along with his wife, who came a few hours after the blessing. I remember getting upset about dinner because it had made me gag the whole pregnancy whenever Mr. T made it and I was starving. I also remember having 2 contractions in my uterus. I think we just watched movies that night but I honestly don’t remember.

Our friends left, maybe around 10, and told us to call them if we needed anything. We said that we doubted we would, and went to bed since Mr. T had to work at 6 the next morning. I laid there forever. I couldn’t get comfortable, I was emotional, and I just couldn’t stop thinking. Finally, I was just about to sleep and then horrible back labor started. At first I didn’t know what was going on (again I didn’t have true labor with Baby #1, and I was half asleep). I would almost fall back asleep in between contractions and then they would start again. I was in awful amounts of pain. This continued for a few hours before I woke up Mr. T. They were less than a minute apart and hurt really really bad. I made him push on my back during the contractions and search for a heat pad when I wasn’t having them. Finally I couldn’t bear it. I had him call the hospital to see what we should do. I then ran into the bathroom because I really felt like I needed to go and wanted to be in there just in case. I went and sat in there and made him come in to rub my back whenever a contraction came. I ended up having Baby #2 right there, and all the pain vanished. Mr. T wasn’t even in the room when it happened, but I called him back in and told him. That’s when he broke down. I was surprisingly okay since I’d been emotional all day and basically had accepted it. I took the phone from Mr. T (while he called those same great friends to come listen for Kaylee) and asked the people at the hospital “what do we do now”. I wasn’t delivering my placenta, so they had me wrap her up in a towel and asked if we could drive ourselves. Mr. T said he could. Our friends arrived, as we were getting ready to go. They helped us by laying out my shoes and taking down the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. We loaded up in the car and headed to the hospital across town. Mr. T kept trying to stop at stop signs and I told him just to keep going cautiously but not to stop (it was around 2am). We pulled up and the nurse that had helped us the night before and the doctor on call (who also delivered Baby #1) were standing outside the ER waiting for us with a wheelchair. They wheeled me back and Mr. T went to park.

Mr. T arrived right as they wanted to cut the umbilical cord. The doctor also asked if we wanted to give a name and a blessing (oh the beauties of the Mormon bubble!) We said yes and had a split second to decide to go with the ONLY name mentioned this pregnancy. Mr. T got to do the honors and cut the umbilical cord this time. Right after he cut the cord he gave Baby #2 a blessing. I don’t remember a word, and I doubt anyone wrote it down. :( She was with us for about 30 minutes, maybe less. I held her for about 10 minutes (she looked absolutely PERFECT, but incredibly tiny) and then Mr. T held her while the doctor checked me out (the placenta still hadn’t delivered). I felt NO pain except that darn speculum. I was actively bleeding so they scheduled an emergency D&C. They came and took Baby #2 at that point because Mr. T needed to be able to fill out paperwork and help. She’d passed away by that point. People were coming and poking me for blood samples, and getting IV’s figured out. They put my IV in the fold of my elbow. I hated it there, especially after I woke back up, but more on that later. We got to the Operating Room and my nurse was a CRAB. I didn’t like her one bit. She told me where to scoot to from the bed I was in to the one in the room. I followed what she said but did it wrong and got in trouble for that. They were bustling around getting things ready. I only remember hoping they’d put me under soon since I disliked that nurse so much. They did, and I woke up and it was over. I remember the doctor saying my name and that I needed to wake up but remember nothing else. He left, and I immediately asked if I could roll over. The nurse looked at me and just said sure. No help offered or anything so I used my arms and hauled myself to my side using the rails on the bed (the IV in my elbow helped a lot). Josh helped me text my family with more information. I remember saying that I wanted my mommy so he helped me call her. She decided right away to come out to help and for support. My sister who lives nearby was already on her way, and I was very glad for that. Mr. T ended up deciding to go home to relieve our friends and to take care of Baby #1. My sister kept trying to let me sleep, but I didn’t sleep any more that whole day. I was in a nosy room near loud fans and those blood pressure cuffs they put on your feet to prevent clots BUG me. I finally got them taken off but still couldn’t sleep. My sister and Mr. T alternated taking care of Baby #1 and they’d also brought her in for me to see. I was finally able to shower and then went home shortly after. I didn’t have any pain and only took one of my pain relievers after just as a precaution. I also didn’t have my milk come in which I was very grateful for. My brother, my mom, and my dad arrived on Sunday afternoon. They were a big help since I wasn’t allowed to lift Baby #1 for a few weeks. We had a funeral service for Baby #2 while they were here and we had a really surprising turnout. I was so grateful to everyone for their support. It’s been really hard for me to not be able to hold my sweet baby girl, and I can’t wait to see her again. I LOVE the picture my parents bought for me. It’s a constant reminder that she’s in Heavenly Father and Jesus’ care until I return to be with her. I’ve included a copy of the print, which is called In His Constant Care, by Simon Dewey. Thanks Mom and Dad! I felt I needed to write this for myself, and for anyone else who wants to read it, feels they need to, or who has gone through something similar. It’s not a taboo subject. I have a daughter who is no longer with me, and I like when people acknowledge that. Feel free to talk to me about it at ANY time. I can’t promise I won’t cry, but I do promise it doesn’t bother me to talk about her at all. In fact, I enjoy it. Love you all!